Addictive stories and embarrassing tell-alls from the front lines of online business. Written by reformed girlboss who learned a better way. Read by 10K+ consenting adults.
Why you can’t pay attention
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This is why you can’t pay attention for more than 5 seconds—and what to do about it I pushed my chair back from my desk abruptly and dropped my head between my knees, blowing out an exhale. The perverse irony of what I’d been doing hit like a brick to the chest. I’d logged into Sutra to watch a pre-recorded course on conscious leadership. It was only week one but I’d missed the onboarding call and felt behind. Clicking through to my course materials, I set the speed to double and pressed my favourite purple fountain pen to a fresh sheet in my notebook. That’s when it hit me: I’m watching a video about mindfulness at 2x speed. Ridiculous! 😆😆😆 This simple act seemed to represent every unreasonable expectation of being a human in 2025. Hurry up and take time for mindfulness. Keep your nervous system regulated, but also watch the news. Don’t take your phone to the bathroom when you poop, but also reply to comments within thirty minutes if you want to game the algorithm. It’s an impossible scenario. Back in Spring I listened to Stolen Focus by Johann Hari (at 1x speed, proud to say!), a book that explains why we do insane things like answer emails while taking a relaxing bubble bath or ordering a gratitude journal on Amazon Prime, instead of just taking a quiet moment on the couch or writing a gratitude list on whatever paper is right in front of you. Hari explains how our focus has been stolen by social media algorithms, surveillance capitalism, lack of sleep and time in nature, and so much more. It’s not a Reader problem if you can’t focus, he says. It’s the problem of living in a world where the expectation is to be “on call” for work every hour that you’re not sleeping, to eat meals at your desk while plugged into apps that know exactly who you are and what makes you tick, to listen 20% faster and sleep 20% less. It sounds scary but the book is also full of wonderful solutions for how we can do better, and thus, feel better. I recommended it to my mastermind members and so far they love it just as much as I do. Here are a few of my strategies for reclaiming focus, in hopes you’ll share yours. These are things I’ve implemented personally, not just what’s recommended.
This is an oldie but I’m sharing it first because apparently only 1% of people bother to customize their smartphone notifications. I honestly can’t imagine who those people are. I’ve got “work mode” turned on during my work hours across all devices. Hint: set this in your settings so you don’t have to remember to turn it on. You’ll forget! (I guess you know my work schedule now. I’m not sure if I’m proud or embarrassed. It’s not a lot of hours but it feels like I work really hard.)
Even with my computer set to Do Not Disturb, I’m dragging my mouse into the dock to open apps hundreds of times per day, and the red dot indicating new messages is too much for my tiny human brain to resist. My Mac wouldn’t let me delete the Messages app so, to save me from myself, I went to settings and signed out, then removed the app from my dock. This makes “just a quick check” annoyingly time-consuming. According to Stolen Focus, the average office worker (pretty sure that’s you and me!) is interrupted every 3 minutes, and it takes about 23 minutes to get your focus back. Do the math. You’re never getting it back with notifications on. If you dream of starting a business, writing a book, or producing any meaningful work, this is essential.
Reading and learning are some of my favourite activities. Why rush pleasure? “Normal speed” is already 20% faster than the speed our human brains are adapted for (i.e. the speed we spoke at just a few decades ago, according to Stolen Focus). Listening at normal speed frees up capacity for reflection and curiosity, which is required for the information to be useful. My next goal is listening at 0.75—CAN YOU EVEN IMAGINE???? I make an exception for audio notes from my team, which I listen to at 1.5x. Sometimes I do this with clients too if their messages are very long, but for me it creates an ethical question. Listening at super speed makes nuances harder to hear; I can’t always catch “the question behind the question” when I’m speeding through to get it over with.
Almost all of my best ideas come to me while walking in the forest. If I’m jamming in more information, there’s no space for ideas to come through. All that “helpful information” is cock-blocking my next great work of art and that is no bueno. (I also leave my keys in the car but that’s more a poor planning issue.) Those are my tops. I have others I’m working on. My next goal is training myself to always put my phone down before speaking to my children. Two years ago I watched Simon Sinek in this video called How Cell Phones Impact Our Relationships, and I’m finished trying to pretend I never watched it. I see myself engaging with my children, phone in hand, and I see them noticing me doing it. I hate that feeling. I want to be a better role model for them, so that they can feel fully seen, and learn what it looks like when a person is fully present. Look, some people will read this and feel full of guilt about all the things they’re not doing. Don’t do that to yourself. You are more than capable of making just one small change today. I had ChatGPT make this cheat sheet for me – feel free to make yourself a copy. I loved Stolen Focus and I want more people to read it. I want someone to make a course about it. I want someone to start a march. I’m keeping it simple and writing you an email about it, which is my way of marching. There’s one big thing missing from my list of “focus hacks”, and that’s connection. Johann Hari says the opposite of distraction isn’t productivity, it’s connection. My invitation to you today is to find a connection. Seek out a long hug. Practice exchanging a meaningful gaze with someone you love before looking at your phone one more time today. (My boyfriend says eye contact is better than kissing!) Whatever your church is, go there, and leave your phone at home. I hope this helps. I really want to hear your thoughts on it, as well as the small ways you’re reclaiming focus and connection for yourself. Write me back! ~ Tarzan
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Emails, but better.
Addictive stories and embarrassing tell-alls from the front lines of online business. Written by reformed girlboss who learned a better way. Read by 10K+ consenting adults.